Bust!

Vinnie has been complaining that since the trip to the river was a bust (due to the search for a body), he was entitled to a rain check outing.





I couldn't argue with him...so I turned to Ryan and asked for him to plan a new outing.

Ryan recently bought a cool new book titled 60 Hikes Within 60 Miles: Sacramento. Fulfilling Vinnie's request was the opportunity to put his new book to good use. He quickly located what seemed like a good trail in Lodi.

Carmela designated herself as a GPS. She quickly took her role very seriously.

"Uh huh...turn left there.
Yes, then make a right.
Then make pit stop at
Burger King and order me a #1."

We made it to Lodi in record time, but of course, Carmela was right there to announce our arrival.

"PULL OVER!
This is it!"

And it was a bust. Seriously, we were highly disappointed. It was just a very small trail around a man-made lake. There wasn't even any wildlife caca for Vinnie to eat! Thank goodness for Ryan's new book! He busted out his book in the car and found another trail that seemed promising. It had an ominous name, but we were up for it. It was too far from our current location and besides, we owed Vinnie.

Off we went to The River of Skulls!


This time, we found solid gold. No one was around...or maybe that's not a very good sign for a trail with such a Halloween-like name?! Either way, it was too late to succumb to our fears over the trail's name. We were here, so we got started.

We had to cross a bridge to get started on the hike, and this is the opportunity Vinnie chose to show me he's afraid of bridges. Seriously Pug?? NOW??

"I'm scared! WAIT!
At least carry me over!"

So I did what any good pet-mom would do.

I left his double-curled-tail ass.

It took about three minutes before he decided I wasn't bluffing about leaving him (I was, but don't tell him that!) and he got over his fear. He came running down as if he'd pushed his internal turbo button.

"I can't believe you
were going leave me!"

"You're mean!"

Alright, alright. I'll make it up to you. What if I told you...

"Let me guess? There's
WILDLIFE CACA here!!"




"Yup! I tasted some,
Er, I mean, I saw some over here..."




"Ooooh!"

Here's an opportunity for you readers to laugh at me. Let me preface with the fact that I was raised in a concrete jungle. I'm a city girl through and through. The fact that I am out hiking is merely the outcome of Ryan's threats (i.e. "I'll make your iPhone disappear if you don't see the sun with me!"). So I just about crapped my pants when I saw this thing sitting in the middle of the trail.






Yep, totally the definition of a "thing." In fact, I was too chicken to take this shot. I made Ryan snap this shot using my zoom lens. I was too scared of the fact that it could be a mutant mountain lion or something (I can so hear you all laughing!).


Then Carmela sounded the alarm. I'm sure her bark was heard in the two neighboring counties.






And she continued to bark. And The Thing didn't move. Not one inch. Carmela increased the volume of her bark so much that I am sure people in Nevada heard it.






This caused her wingmen to launch into action!

"Ooooh! Fresh source of wildlife caca!!"

The Thing took off into the bushes and I called all three fart knockers back to me. Thank the lord they listened and as I stared at The Thing taking off into the mountains, I realized it was a freaking goat. The Thing turned out to be a goat! Silly me!

As the three dogs came back to me, I realized Bruno was no where in sight. What the...

"Aiiiiiiiiyyyyyyy!
It's a chuppacabra!
It's going to steal my blood!
Ruuuuuuuuuuun!"

"Ha ha! Bruno was scared
of a silly goat!
What a big chicken!"

"What? That thing could have so
totally eaten me with its fangs.
I bet if Vinnie thought it was coming after him,
he'd crap his pants.
Hmmm...that gives me an idea!"

Yeah, that gives me an idea, too. The idea to remind you that no one of you WEAR PANTS. I, however, do. And I did almost potentially soiled mine when I saw The Thing.


So Bruno took off into the bushes which gets my panties in a bunch because that means I have to check him extra carefully for ticks and burrs. But he seemed to be plotting something...and I saw a Pug come near where he was hiding. So I just sat back and watched.

"BOOOO!
I'm a chuppcabra and
I'm gonna eat ya!!"

It was quite funny to watch Vinnie crap his pants. Theoretical pants that is.



After all the fun was done, I lined up The Mafiosos for the obligatory group shot.

(Farking Carmela!)

"What??" asks Carmela.

(Farking Gino!")

They think they are so smart...refusing to all look at me at the same time in hopes I'll give up taking a group shoot. No way! I won't give in so easily!


I always get my way. :-)

Oh yeah, and guess who crossed the bridge without a care in the world on the way back to the car? ;-)

Saintly Hike

Once again, the weather's been in the triple digits. Which means hardly any activity for The Canine Mafia. They've been driving me nuts (and rightfully so) for any kind of activity, but the minute we head outside, everyone collapses on the nearest shady lawn. The only way to let them run around without succumbing to the heat is to head to a much more cooler area.



And since all four of The Mafiosos were acting like devils, I figured what better way to repent than to take a hike to San Pedro Mountain.

"Let's go, gO, GO!" shout the Pugs.

"Ok, it's still kind of hot here," notices Bruno.

"But that's ok!
"Let's keep going all the way to the top!"

What are you doing Gino?

"Oh, nothing.
Just helping Vinnie spot wildlife caca."

"See any?" asks Vinnie.
"I haven't seen one iota of wildlife caca!
I'm going to have to write this hike off as a bust!"

Alright Vinnie, your tongue's getting kind of crazy. I think it's time for a water break.

In fact, I have to admit that I am guilty of not giving the dogs enough water breaks. It's one of my bad habits I am reminding myself to remedy. I figure that if I'm trucking along, they're doing alright also. But I'm getting better to remember to stop for plenty of water breaks.

Next step is to buy a bowl that won't drown the dog should she fall in. ;-)






Alright! We made it to the top! WOOT!






Obligatory group shot!

Falling Falls

Sniff...sniff...

"I know that smell!"

"BRUNO!!!
Get your freakishly large head
out the window, now!" shouts Vinnie.





"What?" asks Bruno.
"Is there something cool on the ground?"






"No!" exclaims Vinnie.
"Can't you smell it?!"







"Smell what?" asks Bruno.
"The CACA!" replies Vinnie.





"Oh yeah!" says Bruno.
"Now that you mention it, I do smell something!
It does smell like caca! It smells like..."






"Cow Caca!"





"Mmmmmmm!
Cow caca!"







"I think you should abandon this blog," suggests Carmela.
"Start a new one that's all about me.
Seriously, all the boys do is talk about caca."







"Uhhh...she's kidding right, Ma?"






"No. No I'm not."








"You're not going to listen to her,
right Ma?"

No, I'm not starting a new blog all about Carmela. There isn't a blog big enough in cyberspace to contain her ego. Now that that's settled, let's share today's hike to Beale Falls.

"Woot! Let's get this hike started!"

"There's caca over there,
I just know it!" shares Vinnie.

So by now you've all probably figured out that Vinnie is obsessed with caca. The larger the animal, the better. Had I known that the Beale Falls trail also borders cow farming land, I might have changed my mind about going there. But luckily for Vinnie, I did not know this fact and he managed to, how do I put this delicately, take advantage of this fact when I wasn't looking.

"What??
My nose is always green!
You just never noticed before!"

The end goal of Beale Falls is a beautiful waterfall. But getting there is no easy task. Luckily, the scenery along this hike is gorgeous. There is land as far as the eye can see....

(yes, I've probably have been visiting Perez Hilton waaaay to much this past week!)

Or, you could just be a tiny dog and everywhere you go is expansive. Hehehe...

"Very funny.
Don't quit your day job."

"Size doesn't matter!
Anything those stupid boys can do,
I can't do better!"

"Uh.....yeah.
Because climbing rocks is hard?"

Ok, you two, enough bickering. Let's get back to the hike. We're almost to the part where we share with the readers how we finally found the waterfall.

"Whooooa!"

"We made it!"

It was worth the sweat, tears and mulptile spills I took to finally see this waterfall.

"Vinnie wants to know if there's
cow caca down there?"

Sigh.