Mar 31, 2010

Burrito Battles

Readers, I've had to start moderating the comments due to lots of spammers deciding to post "tips" on how to lose weight, see Megan Fox naked and make tons of money overnight. Rest assured that your comments are still being delivered, it's just a matter of getting my butt over to the computer to approve them.

In the meantime, The Mafiosos are currently making some cement shoes for the spammers to wear.

I also changed the layout of the blog because I was getting bored of the other one.  What do you all think?  Should I go back to the old one or keep this one?

Alright, now that we've got business matters out of the way, I need to be honest with my readers.  A while back I apologized for the lack of blog content in the month of February. I think I held the record for most sparse posts in a month. I promised you that soon I would share why and now the time has come.

Turns out The Mafiosos have opened The Books and added a name to the waste management business. Come this September, we'll be adding a two-legged member to our family.

I found out this great news in late January and because I hadn't passed the "Safe Zone" yet, I couldn't spill the beans. Even though I really, really, really wanted to! But now, here we are, three months later and now I can shout the news from the top of my lungs.

And let me tell you that shouting from the top of your lungs is a lot better than puking your lungs out. My energy has finally returned and all food now stays in my belly.

However, during those moments when nothing would stay down, I would find myself staring at my plate of food. It wasn't long before I had company. . .

"That's a mighty fine specimen of a burrito you got there.
What's wrong with it?
Why aren't you finishing it?"

Nothing's wrong with it. I just don't feel like eating the rest of it.

"Are you insane?!"

No, I'm pregnant. There's a difference. . . at least I hope there is.

"Oh, ok.
Well, can I have it then?
Don't you know a burrito's a terrible thing to waste? !"

No, you can't have it. You already had your breakfast and I don't need you getting diarrhea.

"I won't get diarrhea! I promise!
Just give me a little bite!"

I said NO. Here, I'll say it in Spanish also: NO. You're not supposed to be begging, let alone jumping on the table. You're being powerfully annoying.

"You want powerful?
I'll show you powerful!
I'll use my Jedi power to move the burrito into my mouth.
Now hush! I need to focus. . ."

"Come closer burrito!
Come to me!"

I see that's working really well for you.

Maybe I can get it closer
by using my tongue."

"Never send an amateur do a pro's job.
You gonna finish that, Ma?"

Mar 24, 2010


"Good Lord, that tongue does not do
any justice to your face," observes Carmela.

"It's, like, always sticking out!"

"You need a face readjustment...
There, that looks better!"

"What just happened??
I had a scary dream where
Carmela kept calling me a buttface!"

Mar 17, 2010

Green With. . . Embarrassment!

The Canine Mafiosos are green this St. Patrick's Day. They're green with embarrassment that it! On my recent shopping trip to Target, I discovered the $1 section had lots of St. Patrick's Day props. So, naturally, I grabbed what I could in order to deliver an awesome St. Patrick's Day post for you readers.

But you see, somehow Bruno got wind of my plans. I don't know how he did it, but he managed to scheduled himself a trip to San Francisco under the protective arms of his grandfather on the day I planned to do this photo shoot. Rats!

So I did what I could do...tortured the rest of the dogs. Only, as usual, Carmela was *not* having it. I'm used to it!

"Are you sure this hat makes me
look handsome?" asks Gino.

Yes, you look extraordinarily handsome. Now, get back on that blanket and lay down so I can get my shot!

"Um. . . is Bruno underneath
the hat?" asks Carmela.

"This is taking way too damn long.
More cookies. NOW!" demands Vinnie.

"Bruno? Are you under there,
meat head?" asks Carmela.

"I don't think this hat is for me," says Gino.
"I really need something that will bring
out the structure in my face."

Your face is flat, for Godsake's! YOU LOOK FINE. Now stop blocking Carmela and lay your pug butt down on that blanket so we can finish!

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Where did Gino go??

"He said something about
a wardrobe change, " informs Carmela.

That's better!
Now I'm smokin'!" exclaims Gino.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Mar 10, 2010

Pug Patrol

When Ryan works late nights, I always feel secure having Bruno around.

But I never stopped to think what an excellent job the Pugs do at protecting me from squirrels. Even from inside the house, their job never stops.

I am grateful for my cinnamon-bun-tailed-patrol.

Think about your dog(s) for one, what are you grateful for?

Mar 3, 2010

Chihuahua Torture

Carmela and I sometimes don't get along. I don't know if it's a female thing, but we go can let days pass where we ignore each other. She's very attached to Ryan, so I'm sure she figures as long as she has him around, who needs me?

When I do notice her ignoring me, I bust out my camera. I like to pester her like that.

She especially hates it when I bring the lens to close to her. I suppose I could work in counter-conditioning her to not hate the lens, but you know what, it's too damn funny to do so.

First, she gives me a little lip-check warning.

"I've got teeth underneath these lips and
I will use 'em!"

Her little lip curls mean nothing to me, so she'll then resort to peace tactics.

"I'm asking you nicely to

But, being the little bi*#@ that she is, peaceful tactics don't last long with her. She quickly resorts back to threatening my jugular.

"I swear on my life...
I will slit your throat.

But see, she's a smart cookie. That's what I admire about her. In the true mafioso fashion, she realizes that the quickest way to elicit fear in your enemy is to hit 'em where it hurts.

"Step away from me and I won't
fart on your beloved Pug's head.
I'll do it, dammit!"

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