Nov 30, 2008

Sleep With The Fishes!!!

Dear Ferrero Rocher Chocolates,

Thank you so ever much for making a commercial that includes a very realistic door bell sound. My dogs totally do not go berserk thinking someone is at the door. No, not at all! Mass chaos totally does not ensue in my house at the start of your commercial!


Your Biggest Fan

The Mafiosos would like to thank Dennis the Vizsla for reminding us how much we hate this commercial.

Drunk Driving

Sorry, this is not a post about one of The Mafiosos drunk driving. It's actually about me driving drunk.

Yesterday, I was pulled over by a CHP officer less than three blocks from my house for running a stop sign. I wasn't about to argue with the officer that it was 100% impossible for me to run the stop sign since it's at a major intersection and I was making a left turn. I was going to just accept my ticket and be on my merry way.

At least that was the plan until the officer decided that I was driving impaired. Uh huh, you read that right--he accused me of driving drunk to Safeway. It wasn't that I had alcohol on my breath...I had car carpets that smelled of alcohol.

Earlier that morning, I decided to clean my carpets thoroughly. The day I brought home Blue from the vet's, Blue defecated and vomited all over my passenger side carpets after she escaped from her carrier. No matter what I tried, I could not get the smell out. As a last resort, I decided to try a no-foam carpet cleaner. Boy do I ever regret trying that product!

When the office approached my window, he said my car smelled extremely a lot like alcohol. He made me step outside of the car and perform six sobriety tests. After the fourth one, I got really irritated and started to smart off. I proclaimed that I would next calculate square roots and recite the base pairs of DNA in order to prove I was not inebriated!

I understand he had a job to do, but it should have been fairly clear that I was NOT drunk after the third test. He threatened to take me in for a Breathalyzer. . .that's when I almost lost it. I had to take a very deep breath and do my best to speak calmly.

I explained about my use of the no-foam carpet cleaner. He claimed he'd never heard of such a product. He was suspicious that it smelled too closely to alcohol. I wanted to shout "That's because YOU are a MAN who doesn't know shit about fruity- smelling cleaning products!!" I had enough common sense not to shout that.

Finally, he agreed that I was not driving impaired and wrote my ticket. If you ever want to know what a roadside sobriety test entails, ask away! I know at least six of them now!

I will never again drive under the influence of no-foam carpet cleaners. It's not worth the trouble!

What do you think? Do you think the CHP went a little overkill?

Nov 28, 2008

Nov 27, 2008

Gobble! Gobble!

Happy Thanksgiving!

We hope you have a marvelous Day of Thanks!

The Mafiosos are thankful for many things. Vinnie is very thankful for the box of cat poo treats I keep for him. He doesn't understand that I do not keep a litter box for his personal use of a snack tray!

"Whatever. I know you keep that litterbox
for my own personal enjoyment!"

Bruno and Gino would tell you they are thankful for an endless supply of cookies, but they are too lazy to get up at the moment. Currently, they are passed out stone cold from a long hike we took the crew on.

Carmela is thankful for her initiation to The Canine Mafia. She's very thankful to have three boys to boss around.

"Yeah, whatever.
What time is the turkey being served?"

From my crew to yours...

we wish you a most happy holiday!

Keep your pet safe this Thanksgiving! Please visit this site for some friendly reminders on how to keep your dog safe this holiday:

Nov 26, 2008

Converstation With Vinnie

Excuse me, but what are you doing on the couch? You know the rule: No Dogs Allowed On The Couch.

"Oh there's a rule?"

You betcha. The same one that's been in effect since you were a puppy.

"Are you sure it's been around that long?"

"Cuz I don't remember that rule..."

Well, I'll help you remember it. Get off the couch. Now.

"Do you mean, like, right now?"


"What were we talking about again?
I forgot."

"This rule doesn't apply to me because
I haven't been here since I was a puppy.

"And I'm too new for this rule to apply to me.

Nov 24, 2008

Why Blue is Yellow

Blue was never supposed to stay. I was going to find a great home for the four-week-old kitten Ryan brought home. This is why I named her "Blue." It was a generic name based on her coloring.

But she ended up with us. And the little spit-fire grew like a weed before my eyes.

Molly and Maggie weren't too happy about their new little sister, but things settled in quickly and Blue made herself right at home.

So why is Blue yellow?

Blue's liver is currently clogged with fat deposits that her body tried to to utilize for energy. When a cat stops eating, for whatever reason (in Blue's case, it was because she has stones in her bladder; we found this out by doing an ultrasound), the body starts to utilize its own fat stores. Unfortunately, a cat’s liver cannot metabolize fat and the end result is liver failure.

Because her liver is clogged, it cannot filter out waste products. Collectively, this waste is known as bilirubin. Bilirubin is yellow in color and this is the reason Blue is so yellow.

There is no treatment for Fatty Liver Disease, only therapeutic support. The only "cure" is food. Sounds easy and simple, but it's not. Blue has absolutely no interest in eating and she cannot not eat while having this disease. We've tried everything under the sun (short of caviar!) and she has refused every single item we've presented.

This is why we've resorted to having to force-feed her several times a day. :-/

Please, please, if your cat stops eating for more than a day, see a vet!

We know we can conquer this. We've conquered broken pelvises before, so we can certainly beat this!

Blue was hit by a car in 2006 and suffered a fractured pelvis
in addition to road rash all over her face

The way I see it, Blue has 7 lives left! She'll be back up to speed in no time!

Nov 21, 2008

An Angry Blue Cat

If you've ever wonder what a pissed off, force-fed cat looks like, wonder no more!

I am not very good at force-feeding. Ryan has the kitty burrito technique down was better than I do...I end up with cat food either all over me or all over Blue. The rest of the cat food (about 20 cc's) I manage to get into Blue.

"Seriously, you better sleep
with one eye open tonight."

"How the hell do you manage to get
cat food in my ears?!"

"I hate you.
Like, REALLY hate you.
I want my Daddy."

"Leave my room now!"

What I wish Blue would understand is that I do not enjoy cramming food down her throat. If she'd eat on her own, we could eliminate this procedure entirely. Alas, the only way to combat Fatty Liver Disease is to eat, eat and then eat some more. Please, Blue, eat!

Nov 19, 2008

Pancho Villa Vinnie

Pancho Villa Vinnie
Originally uploaded by ! Mary !
This is what I got paid to do all day today. :-)


The Canine Mafia always checks messages from other dogs together.

It's the unwritten rule.

P.S. Gino seems to be replying to someone.

Nov 17, 2008

Get A Clue

"O.M.G. You really are dumb!
Didn't Bruno tell you how we felt
about your stupid camera?"

"Here's a clue in case you don't remember..."

"Hey, Ma! Look! I like your camera!
Take a picture of me pretending to be a reindeer!"

Nov 14, 2008

Let It Be

"Ugh! I wish you'd stop pointing
that stupid black box at me!"

"You're really bad at taking hints, aren't you?"

Nov 12, 2008

Trusting A Mafioso Is Never A Good Thing

I sometimes take for granted that Vinnie and Bruno have been with us since the time they were four months old. They are pretty trustworthy around high value items, such as the the trash can. This gives me a false of security with the other two rescued Mafiosos.

So when my Mom gave me a new fruit basket, I thought nothing of it to move it to a new location. It's two-tiered, so my usual spot didn't have enough clearance for the second level.

I expected some curiosity from The Mafiosos. And I got it...

What I DID NOT expect was this!

Someone helped themselves to a nice, juicy peach from the fruit basket!

That someone's name is spelled G-I-N-O.

Lesson learned! The fruit basket is now in an area that is unreachable to paws.

And I guess I should thank Gino for always keeping me on my toes. :-)

Nov 10, 2008

Kitty Mystery #39

Why is it that whenever you're making the bed or changing the sheets,
a cat must instantly appear and plop itself in the middle of the bed?

Nov 7, 2008

Powerful Pirate

Bruno keeps bugging me for a new dog tag. He says his isn't cool anymore. I told him he can't have one until the one he has breaks or falls off. The economy is tough right now and we need to pinch our cookies, er, pennies.

I guess he took my advice to heart.

Joke's on him though! He only broke a piece of it. The deal was the tag was to break entirely. How does one manage to only break one bone from the crossbones of a pirate tag? That is the million dollar question!

Since he took my advice to heart, I am half-thinking of getting him a heart shaped dog tag. Don't tempt me, Bruno!

Nov 5, 2008

Married to MacGyver

Ryan is MacGyver. There is just no limit to what he can create with limited resources. For example, take The Case of Limited Space For A Second Litterbox.

Our "master" bathroom is someone's idea of a cruel joke. It is no bigger than a shoe box. I thought maybe we should put a litterbox in our bathroom for Blue so she won't have to travel as far. But where to put it? In the shower? On top of the toliet? Really, there is no room in there to place a litterbox on the floor.

But wait! Ryan manages to stick a litterbox in a place I would have never thought of...under the sink!

He removed the doors and cleared out everything there to make room for a small litterbox. He even was thoughtful enough to put a curtain for a covering. Ok, who am I kidding? He probably just wanted to make sure Blue had privacy. :-)

Now excuse me while I go check Ryan's pockets for a Swiss Army knife... :-)

Nov 3, 2008

Blue Monday

All of that good juju is definitely flowing our way as Blue is recovering.

Blue is still very yellow, but we were warned it could be months before the yellow coloring completely goes away.

She is still resting heavily and spends her days on the cat tree. She even played with her favorite feather toy for just a few minutes.

Blue is also very proud of her stitches. She's constantly showing them to me, as if trying to make me remember she is one tough cookie and not to be messed with. Don't worry, Blue. I know I am last on the totem pole!

Although she's a little lethargic, the fact that she still musters the energy to give me her famous Evil Eye is a sure sign she will kick this hepatic lipodosis on its evil tushie!

Nov 1, 2008

The Artist Formerly Known As Blue

She is now known as Yellow. ;)

Blue came home yesterday! Our kitty is finally back with us and we are praying that her road to recovery is fast and steady. She immediately came home and wolfed down some canned food. That is a great change from her barely wanting to eat at the vet's. She kept her food down and is alternating between sleeping on our bed and her favorite perch on the cat furniture.

You know why God invented credit cards? So you could charge $
2,749.59 in emergency vet treatment for your precious cat. Worth every penny and I will sucker punch anyone who dare says "That much for just a cat??"


Dear Family Members Who Read This Blog,

I think King Diamond's song says it best: "
There's no presents, not this Christmas. There's no presents..."

You have our full permission to blame Blue.


Mary and Ryan

"If you say one thing about my stitches,
the clawing off of your face will be confirmed."

(her stitches glow in the dark! ha!)

Why does Blue have pink stitches? She developed a large cyst on her head and it was removed while she was under anesthesia for her ultrasound. She kind of looks like a monk, but she can't fool anyone about being holy!

"So, what's for breakfast?"

(you can really see how yellow her ears are here)

"I see that Chihuahua still lives here.
She'll be the first one I beat up tomorrow."

"You may go now. You're dismissed."

"Is she really going to beat me up tomorrow?!"

Thank you for all of your prayers, juju and well wishes. We needed all of it to pull through from this yucky disease. Blue did eat like a pig when she got home and we need her to keep on eating. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts until Blue is finally out of the woods. We seem to have a few more trees to pass up before we finally have this Fatty Liver Disease beat!
ⓒ 2012 Mary Williams All Rights Reserved.