Sorry, this is not a post about one of The Mafiosos drunk driving. It's actually about me driving drunk.
Yesterday, I was pulled over by a CHP officer less than three blocks from my house for running a stop sign. I wasn't about to argue with the officer that it was 100% impossible for me to run the stop sign since it's at a major intersection and I was making a left turn. I was going to just accept my ticket and be on my merry way.
At least that was the plan until the officer decided that I was driving impaired. Uh huh, you read that right--he accused me of driving drunk to Safeway. It wasn't that I had alcohol on my breath...I had car carpets that smelled of alcohol.
Earlier that morning, I decided to clean my carpets thoroughly. The day I brought home Blue from the vet's, Blue defecated and vomited all over my passenger side carpets after she escaped from her carrier. No matter what I tried, I could not get the smell out. As a last resort, I decided to try a no-foam carpet cleaner. Boy do I ever regret trying that product!
When the office approached my window, he said my car smelled extremely a lot like alcohol. He made me step outside of the car and perform six sobriety tests. After the fourth one, I got really irritated and started to smart off. I proclaimed that I would next calculate square roots and recite the base pairs of DNA in order to prove I was not inebriated!
I understand he had a job to do, but it should have been fairly clear that I was NOT drunk after the third test. He threatened to take me in for a Breathalyzer. . .that's when I almost lost it. I had to take a very deep breath and do my best to speak calmly.
I explained about my use of the no-foam carpet cleaner. He claimed he'd never heard of such a product. He was suspicious that it smelled too closely to alcohol. I wanted to shout "That's because YOU are a MAN who doesn't know shit about fruity- smelling cleaning products!!" I had enough common sense not to shout that.
Finally, he agreed that I was not driving impaired and wrote my ticket. If you ever want to know what a roadside sobriety test entails, ask away! I know at least six of them now!
I will never again drive under the influence of no-foam carpet cleaners. It's not worth the trouble!
What do you think? Do you think the CHP went a little overkill?