Sep 24, 2009


Vinnie has been complaining that since the trip to the river was a bust (due to the search for a body), he was entitled to a rain check outing.

I couldn't argue with I turned to Ryan and asked for him to plan a new outing.

Ryan recently bought a cool new book titled 60 Hikes Within 60 Miles: Sacramento. Fulfilling Vinnie's request was the opportunity to put his new book to good use. He quickly located what seemed like a good trail in Lodi.

Carmela designated herself as a GPS. She quickly took her role very seriously.

"Uh huh...turn left there.
Yes, then make a right.
Then make pit stop at
Burger King and order me a #1."

We made it to Lodi in record time, but of course, Carmela was right there to announce our arrival.

This is it!"

And it was a bust. Seriously, we were highly disappointed. It was just a very small trail around a man-made lake. There wasn't even any wildlife caca for Vinnie to eat! Thank goodness for Ryan's new book! He busted out his book in the car and found another trail that seemed promising. It had an ominous name, but we were up for it. It was too far from our current location and besides, we owed Vinnie.

Off we went to The River of Skulls!

This time, we found solid gold. No one was around...or maybe that's not a very good sign for a trail with such a Halloween-like name?! Either way, it was too late to succumb to our fears over the trail's name. We were here, so we got started.

We had to cross a bridge to get started on the hike, and this is the opportunity Vinnie chose to show me he's afraid of bridges. Seriously Pug?? NOW??

"I'm scared! WAIT!
At least carry me over!"

So I did what any good pet-mom would do.

I left his double-curled-tail ass.

It took about three minutes before he decided I wasn't bluffing about leaving him (I was, but don't tell him that!) and he got over his fear. He came running down as if he'd pushed his internal turbo button.

"I can't believe you
were going leave me!"

"You're mean!"

Alright, alright. I'll make it up to you. What if I told you...

"Let me guess? There's

"Yup! I tasted some,
Er, I mean, I saw some over here..."


Here's an opportunity for you readers to laugh at me. Let me preface with the fact that I was raised in a concrete jungle. I'm a city girl through and through. The fact that I am out hiking is merely the outcome of Ryan's threats (i.e. "I'll make your iPhone disappear if you don't see the sun with me!"). So I just about crapped my pants when I saw this thing sitting in the middle of the trail.

Yep, totally the definition of a "thing." In fact, I was too chicken to take this shot. I made Ryan snap this shot using my zoom lens. I was too scared of the fact that it could be a mutant mountain lion or something (I can so hear you all laughing!).

Then Carmela sounded the alarm. I'm sure her bark was heard in the two neighboring counties.

And she continued to bark. And The Thing didn't move. Not one inch. Carmela increased the volume of her bark so much that I am sure people in Nevada heard it.

This caused her wingmen to launch into action!

"Ooooh! Fresh source of wildlife caca!!"

The Thing took off into the bushes and I called all three fart knockers back to me. Thank the lord they listened and as I stared at The Thing taking off into the mountains, I realized it was a freaking goat. The Thing turned out to be a goat! Silly me!

As the three dogs came back to me, I realized Bruno was no where in sight. What the...

It's a chuppacabra!
It's going to steal my blood!

"Ha ha! Bruno was scared
of a silly goat!
What a big chicken!"

"What? That thing could have so
totally eaten me with its fangs.
I bet if Vinnie thought it was coming after him,
he'd crap his pants.
Hmmm...that gives me an idea!"

Yeah, that gives me an idea, too. The idea to remind you that no one of you WEAR PANTS. I, however, do. And I did almost potentially soiled mine when I saw The Thing.

So Bruno took off into the bushes which gets my panties in a bunch because that means I have to check him extra carefully for ticks and burrs. But he seemed to be plotting something...and I saw a Pug come near where he was hiding. So I just sat back and watched.

I'm a chuppcabra and
I'm gonna eat ya!!"

It was quite funny to watch Vinnie crap his pants. Theoretical pants that is.

After all the fun was done, I lined up The Mafiosos for the obligatory group shot.

(Farking Carmela!)

"What??" asks Carmela.
(Farking Gino!")

They think they are so smart...refusing to all look at me at the same time in hopes I'll give up taking a group shoot. No way! I won't give in so easily!

I always get my way. :-)

Oh yeah, and guess who crossed the bridge without a care in the world on the way back to the car? ;-)


  1. Great adventure.

    We would enjoy that River of Skulls trail if wildlife caca tastes better than our home grown kitty rocha.

    Misty the alpha Poodle

  2. You all take such grand adventures!! I need to get the momma on the ball and find me some adventures. Preferably ones that include food or treats =)


  3. As a former concrete jungle dweller, I have to concur that goats are scary creatures; however, not as scary as cows!

  4. hello mafiosi its dennis the vizsla dog hay that luks like a grate hike and all but ware ar the skullz??? wer they under the bridj ware the troll left them??? ok bye


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